On the road…again!
Afghanistan to Zambia
Chronicles of a Footloose Forester
By Dick Pellek 

Colt .44 Bandanna For Suburban Cowboys

Some thoughts for stories come out of dreams, and others come while mowing the lawn. After many years of evidentiary coincidence, it is time to conclude that; for the Footloose Forester, at least; mowing the lawn has been a mental stimulus that produced many an idea. Thus, the relatively new science of neuroplasticity apparently operates while doing manual labor, as well as engaging in mind exercises at the website Luminosity.org. 

Mowing the lawn in 90℉ heat on a sunny day will remind you that your sweat glands are still working and that your face becomes flushed pretty quickly.  So how do you stay cool?  Wear protective clothing to prevent sunburn, for one thing. Drink plenty of liquids, for another. How about wearing a wet bandanna around your neck?  How about a wet bandanna wrapped around a string of ice cubes and the ends tucked into your already dripping T-shirt? How about a wet bandanna with the melting ice cubes that cool your beer as you work?  How about a wet bandanna with melting ice that cools the twin stubby bottles of Colt .45 beer that are hanging from either end of the bandanna around your neck?  Introducing the Colt .44 Bandanna for Suburban Cowboys….

The number 44 will have to be substituted for 45, to avoid patent infringement

It would be irresponsible and probably an infringement of patent law to name the new product the Colt .45 Bandanna, therefore; the Footloose Forester has to doctor the labels on the 7-ounce twin stubby bottles of Colt .45 beer before he can apply for his very own patent. That will require a cut-and-paste template consisting of the number 44 to replace the 45 on the outside of the bottles. There is still the risk of being sued for patent infringement, but at this stage of advanced product design, the Footloose Forester has to risk it.  On the other hand, there is little risk that bandanna manufacturers will sue for unauthorized applications of their wares.

As part of the patent application, it will also be necessary to explain that the finished product is intended for macho suburbanite Alpha males who insist on mowing the lawn in sunny, 90℉weather. Thus we can reasonably exclude city dwellers who may not own lawn mowers because they don’t have any grass to mow, and real cowboys who already own enough bandannas and thus might not feel a need to alter their identities by throwing in with the cowboy wanna-be types in the suburbs.  No, to win an outright lock on his very own patent for the Colt .44 Bandanna for Suburban Cowboys, it will require that the Footloose Forester prove his specificity of product design, unique function, and novel material construction. The twist-off caps should also help to convince skeptics about the convenience to the consumer. Glass bottles are practical, as well.  In keeping with other aspects of green technology, they are recyclable and rebatable.

Perhaps the technocrats at the patent office will also demand that some experimental data accompany the patent application. The Footloose Forester can hardly wait until the grass grows tall again so that he can hang that dripping bandanna from his neck as he awaits the taste test to be conducted in the shade. 

Update: 13 July 2021

It was less than 10 days ago that the Footloose Forester saw a bandanna that was big enough to put around his neck and use it in the way it was intended. He bought it.  What goes around comes around, thus when he went out into the 89-degree heat to mow the lawn, he had that wet bandanna around his neck.  Alas, no Colt .45 stubbies attached.  The brewer ditched that market item several years ago.

The sequel in this thread took place during a break to insert 4 ice cubes into the bandanna and truss them up so they would not slip.  Footloose Forester used soft shoelaces to do the job.  At the end of the job there was one ice cube that had not melted.  He used that to cool his forehead, neck, and under his chin.