On the road… again!
Afghanistan to Zambia
Chronicles of a Footloose Forester
By Dick Pellek

On Moseying

It all started one morning when I was suspected of moseying on the job. I had never thought of myself as a moseyier, so it got me to thinking about moseying, in general. Is moseying a good thing or a bad thing? Can moseying become a habit? Or were some of us born as natural moseyiers? The answer to those questions and many others brings the subject of moseying into sharper focus. We should not take the subject lightly because how and when we mosey might make big differences in our lives.

There definitely are proper times and proper places to mosey. Nobody ever questions the cowboy in a third rate western movie who is seen moseying over to the saloon for a shot of red eye. Or the cowpoke who drops the shaft of straw from his mouth and moseyies over to the corral to check on the steers penned up there. Even cowgirls are known to mosey now and then, when all the chores are done and they are headed for the chuck house to wash up. But that is just the movie stereotype of moseying and moseyiers. There is plenty of moseying going on, in real life. Apparently, I am a practitioner.

Geographical Considerations

Moseying is perfectly acceptable anywhere in West Texas, especially when the moseyier is wearing western boots and a 10-gallon hat. In fact, moseying is acceptable social behavior anywhere in all the western states and in some parts of West Virginia. Moseying is always permissible within sight of a horse, even in New England states, but having a sprig of hay in ones mouth helps to identify the moseyier, just in case the horse is out of sight. There is no doubt that having the proper accouterments and fashionable moseying attire helps the otherwise uninformed in recognizing a practicing moseyier. That is not to say that accouterments and affectations will always point to a natural moseyier; there are plenty of phonies around. Fashion horses who believe that clothes make the man might also believe that wearing a wide belt with a big silver buckle also makes the moseyier of the moment.

Natural moseying can be expected in certain social groups; and might be an inherited trait, particularly among families who live in rural areas away from big city ways. Natural moseying presumably can be learned when growing up. Besides, there is plenty of straw one can grab when you are looking for stray doggies in the back forty. Innovative moseyiers substitute twigs from trees and bushes when there is snow on the ground.

There are lots of places where moseying is not acceptable. Moseying along to church services lacks decorum. No one should mosey off to fight a fire. And any thoughtful moseyier should give pause before moseying on down to the funeral parlor, even if you are wearing your best Stetson and your boots have a high shine. So it should have been no puzzle why, in my work uniform, and not having so much as a shaft of straw jutting from my jaw, there was a look of disapproval when I was first spotted moseying around in the parking garage. Out of place moseying... I should have considered that.

So, dear readers it is always incumbent upon the would-be moseyier to consider the possible consequences of the out-of-context and the ill-timed mosey. Perhaps it would be instructive to recall a few of the more important aspects of the history of moseying. Who were the first moseyiers? Where did they practice their art? When did big-time moseying start to take off? And how did it find its way into cinema history and western lore? Finally, why is moseying acceptable among some cultural groups and scorned among others?

Moseying in History

First off, let us consider the etymology of the word “mosey” and its derivatives. In grammatical structure it is clear that the word mosey is only used as a verb and it can be diagramed to demonstrate that it is a regular verb of the active case and tense variety. That is to say, we can assign the pattern: I mosey, you mosey, he or she moseyies. But unlike some similar verbs like plow: I plow daily; you plow slowly; she plows neatly, we can never use a past predicate such as: the row was plowed in the morning. Saying she was moseyied just doesn’t make sense. So, all moseyiers are acting in either the present, present perfect, or future perfect tenses; with a simple past tense construction.

Historical records do not indicate who the first known moseyiers were, or where they developed their movements. Most likely, the first moseyiers appeared at a time when hayseeds were abundant upon the land and they realized that the straws helped keep moisture in their mouths. Not all moseyiers preferred straw, however. This moseyier has, for the past 50 years, preferred to stick a sprig of sweet clover in his mouth. When spring comes and until the vegetation turns dormant, this moseyier will even go out of his way to find clumps of clover and then select suitable stems. It may have something to do with a huge crush I had on a California girl named Clover, so many years ago.

So, back to reality. Early in the morning, without having so much as a sprig of clover or even a straw dangling out of my mouth, and not wearing either a wide belt with a silver buckle or western boots, I was detected from afar in a moseying mode; and in a place no respectful moseyier would be expected to be seen. It just goes to show you, you can take the moseyier out of the West, but you can’t take the mosey out of the moseyier. Now, since I have other things to do, I’ll just mosey along.