Recently I've been speaking to several groups about how to get started gathering, organising and preserving their life stories, in other words, my work as a professional personal historian, as many people seem to find it hard to recall long forgotten memories. Even if they don't have either the time or the inclination to gather a collection of stories, I encourage them to write their own Legacy Letter. This format is particularly useful for palliative care family and friends and I find it a popular topic for public speaking.

When some people consider the fact that at some point they will die, many consult lawyers and funeral homes to make arrangements in advance. While making plans to handle their possessions and human remains, many fail to pass on their spiritual legacies to their children and grandchildren, thereby missing a prime opportunity to share family values, traditions, stories and history.                                                                                                   

Legacy Letters, sometimes called Ethical Wills, offer a concrete method for passing on your values to the family generations yet to come. These legacies enable people who have learned so much during their lifetimes to share that wisdom with younger generations, perhaps in the hope that they will hold true to honoured family values or refrain from making similar mistakes.

Everyone can leave a Legacy Letter, simply by writing down thoughts or ideas that they want their children and grandchildren to know.I wish my parents (Dad died when I was 12 and Mum when I was 31) and grandparents has written a Legacy Letter for me!

“To live in the heart we leave behind is not to die in vain”

                                          Thomas Campbell (1777 – 1844) ‘Hallowed Ground’. 

Getting Started

To get started, you can begin by reflecting on some of the following ideas:

·     What are your values and beliefs? Do you believe in God? Do you favour a particular organised religion?

·     What characteristics do you value most? Honesty? Integrity? Humour?

·     Are there any family traditions you treasure? What? And why?

·     Do you have any strong political beliefs? What are they? When and where did you develop them?

·     What skills do you believe are most necessary for living? Has formal education been important to you? How much value do you place on work experience? How important is a career?

·     What are the most important decisions you have made in your life? With the benefit of hindsight, would you have made the same decisions?

·     Have you made mistakes you’d like to share with others so they can avoid doing the same? What would you do differently?

·     What lessons have you learned through your life? Do you have any regrets?

·     Who influenced your life the most? What did you learn from your grandparents, parents, spouse, children and friends?

·     Do you wish to seek forgiveness from anyone? Or offer forgiveness to anyone?

·     What are you most grateful for?

·     What do you hope to see your children and grandchildren accomplish in life? Are there pitfalls you want them to avoid?

·     Do you have any favourite sayings or quotations you have used in your life?

·     What is your view of the world? What direction do you see the world heading?

·     What is your definition of success?

By answering these and other similar questions, you will find that a pattern will emerge of the sort of written Legacy Letter you would like to leave to future family generations.

The next step is to write it out into a rough draft format. Read it out aloud to yourself, listening to each word. How does it sound? Is there a better word or phrase that will express your feelings or thoughts better? Keep re-writing and tweaking your Legacy Letter until you are happy with it. At this stage, I usually give it to a close friend to proof read for me, someone who has fresh eyes and whose judgement I trust.

Once you are completely happy with your Legacy Letter, purchase some acid-free, lignum-free paper on which to write your letter. Either hand-write or print your letter on to your selected paper and place it into a similar quality envelope or storage container which will prevent your letter from deteriorating. You can add some photographs or specific relevant memorabilia to leave for your family.

Some people like to share their Legacy Letter with their family before they die, often at a ‘milestone’ type celebration; others leave them in a specific place (inside the family bible, in a drawer with other important documents, with their solicitor) – the choice is your. Many families refer to the Legacy Letter when preparing a eulogy to be read at the funeral or just read the Legacy Letter itself (some clients like to pre-select the music to accompany the reading of their Legacy Letter).