This months' story prompt is: "If you could go back and relive any part of your life what would you do differently and why?

I've heard people say "I wouldn't do ANYTHING different, because it made me who I am". NOTHING? Really? Sure we learn from our mistakes and foolish behaviors, and trials can make us stronger. If our lives and choices only affected us, that would be one thing - but unfortunately, they often affect others - others we care about. Lastly, some things we do have ripple effects we never dreamed of... things we still see or feel the effects of decades later - some I also believe can have eternal consequences.

What would I do differently? In a nutshell: have more interest and spend more time on things that make me a better person. Things that make me Healthier, Smarter, Richer, more Christ-like. Be a better sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend, co-worker, and mother. To have less embarrassment, regret or guilt and feel more peace. Personally for me, there are literally HUNDREDS of things I would do differently...oh, let me count the ways. Most of course have to do with mistakes and regret. Some things I regretted the second they happened. Others have taken years for me to realize. Hindsight really is 20/20. And I need glasses to see both near AND far - so what's that tell you?

Most are too personal, but here are few things I would go back and do:

I wish I could go back and relive my late teens and early 20's, such an unbelievably selfish time in life looking back. I would let my Grandma Smeby know how much I loved her, and how grateful I was that she gave up life as she knew it in Minnesota for the next 10 years to come live with us each school year in San Diego after my mother died to care for my sister and me. AND she also gave up a portion of her summer to have us stay with her. I loved those summers with her. I never appreciated their sacrifice until much later in life. She is a saint in my eyes.

I also would focus more on school and church and less on boys :) As my dad put it - us girls were "boy-crazy". I wish back then I had more self-esteem and didn't think I had to compromise myself to have a boy or friends like me. I wish I had served a church mission. I wish I never drank as a youth. Seventy-five percent of every bit of trouble I got into or regret I have - was due to alcohol - the other 25% is just me being me which continues to this day

I wish I asked more questions and begged my dad to tell me stories. He was a man of few words.. Now he has Alzheimer’s and has been unable to speak or communicate for the past 5 years. That is part of why I think this site is SO important - it's important to not wait until it is too late. Same goes for my Grandma Smeby.

Things I would not change:

My current friends. I've been blessed with life-long friends and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Over the years, I've learned to surround myself with those who inspire, uplift and make me laugh and like myself and I let the others go.

My decision to change religions and join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It's been a long process to embrace my challenges, and quit fighting with myself and feeling imperfect or unworthy.  Religion isn't easy, and isn't for everyone. And if you want a little more challenge - try Mormonism - it aint' for wimps!  But It gives me hope and I believe it makes me a better person than I would be without it, and I recognize that I feel a peace that was missing in my life before. 

My decision to divorce my husband. It was a tough thing to raise a 6 month old and a 3 1/2 year old on my own for the past 18 years. But I can not even imagine how much tougher it would have been to stay married and what my life would look like today.